I try to be someone I'm not
So that i don't feel odd
So that i can blend in
But Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
I pretend to be happy
I smile all the times
I try to hide my sadness
So that people don't need to worry about me
So that my life doesn't look pathetic
What's wrong with being sad?
What's wrong with feeling weak?
What's wrong with having an upside down life?
What's wrong with getting demotivated?
Being at the lowest stage, being alone,
Actually strengthen our relationship with Him.
Just me. And Him. One-to-one.
After all the times i was being 'too busy' with this worldly life, 'too busy' being happy with the people around me that I'm afraid it didn't bring me close to Him.
This ephemeral dunya somehow deviates ourselves from Him, unconsciously.
I need to isolate myself from everything for a while.
To cry, to admit the fact that i am not okay,
To show my flaws, to not being strong,
To just wonder and have deep thoughts,
To look back at the past,
To pause my current moment, and think about my happy moments back then.
I don't need motivational words from people,
I don't need people to show their pity face towards me,
I don't need people to ask me to 'stay strong',
Because it is against my cycle (to be sad at the moment).
Enough to know that Allah is always with me.
Enough to feel that there'll be always someone who cares,
Enough to hope that there'll be someone who prays for me,
Enough to believe that i have someone to count on, to have someone who will be there if i need them if and only if I'm drowning in this stage, longer than it should be.
I know I will sure come back, rise up and be happy.
Because that's the cycle of life.
And i believe in it. I believe that all the things in this dunya aren't permanent so do my feelings.
Let me crack my cocoon on my own
Because by doing that, i will taste the beauty of my own life.
I will give a smile, just have to pull some muscles on my face. But my eyes actually tell a thousand feelings inside me.
Just some random thoughts.
Obviously homesick level 95% haha